Glamorized Self-Care = Escapism. Is That Bad?

The term self-care has been around for decades, only to devolve into a common hashtag. Over 25 million posts on Instagram currently boast #selfcare. And what do we see? A woman, usually in athleisure wear, wearing gold under-eye masks and standing in perfect lighting. Preferably holding a mason jar of green juice. An Instagram story consisting of a glass (or box) of wine in front of a television. Selfies, selfies, oh and more selfies, mostly of women with perfect makeup in, again, impeccable lighting. Sure, sometimes the captions are beautifully thought out, but the pictures rarely have anything to do with the sentiments expressed. What if we can’t afford athleisure wear or a $7 juice? What if we think under-eye masks are weird or don’t have the resources for styled selfies? Are we failing at self-care?

Absolutely not.

Dr. Carla Messenger, a licensed behavioral psychologist based in New York, explains that “self- care has gotten mischaracterized in a lot of ways. What you see online – these women are doing what they think looks like they’re taking care of themselves. It’s certainly meeting a need, whether longing, desire, loneliness – the act of finding ways to make oneself feel better, but what you see in a picture or on social media is only a small piece of [self-care].”

Thanks to this hashtaggability, self-care has become commercialized; there’s a whole industry of specially branded items capitalizing on our need for something deeper, such as self-care makeup, masks, detox tea, and meditation apps. Unfortunately, a face mask isn’t going to treat an anxiety disorder and a glass of wine won’t fill the emptiness in your heart (believe me, I’ve tried).

So what does self-care actually entail?

“On the whole, self-care is to take care of the physical, psychological, and spiritual self and doing what embodies that in meaningful, purposeful ways to you,” says Dr. Messenger. “Things like making sure you get enough sleep at night, setting limits with how much time you spend doing your job, and, for

some people, managing anxiety or seeking mental health treatment. True self-care is very different from indulgence.”

Not that a bit of pampering or indulgence every now and then is bad. Periodic and inconsistent flights of escapism are actually considered normal. “As a fixed and finite phenomenon, escapism is perfectly natural,” explains Dr. Messenger. “For example, after you’ve worked all week, you’re not going to read the news. It’s taking a break, like watching a film, and allowing yourself that space.”

But most of us know spending too much time on social media or reading the news can be detrimental to our overall mood and outlook. Giving ourselves brain breaks is, in fact, healthy; so when does escapism, as peddled through Instagram hashtags and filters, become a bad thing?

According to Dr. Messenger, when it becomes a lifestyle. For example, playing video games all day every day, getting wine drunk every night, or caring for yourself through strictly superficial means (think face masks and doing your nails) puts you in dangerous territory. Chances are you’re avoiding real- life concerns; maybe it’s something happening in your life or an internal matter. While not wanting to confront unpleasantness is normal, consistently avoiding it is unhealthy.

This is why the misconstrued notions of self-care are so detrimental. It’s not just doing whatever you want because you want to, and it can’t be captured in a pretty picture. Self-care is long term, and more importantly, mostly unglamorous.

The good news is you’re probably doing real forms of self-care without realizing it. Do you go to your doctors appointments? That’s self-care! If you need to or want to, are you seeing a therapist? Or taking the medications/supplements you should? Self -care! But dig deeper. Find what fills your soul. Get rid of the toxicity in your life, whether relationships, social media accounts, or harmful habits. Even if, like many, you have a job you aren’t crazy about, there are many other ways to nurture yourself. Make your reality the best it can be, whatever that looks like for you.

And remember, self-care doesn’t mean you have to be alone. You might have to face some hard things you’ve been avoiding, but you have a support system. Keep it real: get to know the whole you and what you need.