The Birthday Without Friends

Published in Buzzsaw, Spring 2019

Lying here in darkness,

As anxiety turns its twisted head,

Loneliness echoes through the walls;

My heart yearns for ghosts of old friends.

It was you, remember?

Warping my senses with your words.

You said they were against us,

That they just wanted to see me hurt.

Friends I’d had for forever–

Bitter and betrayed–

Screamed at me for defending you,

And left cursing your name.

You knew I had a virgin heart;

So I couldn’t see your scheme:

Twisting and maneuvering

Like a snake weaving through weeds.

Stripping away my protection,

You became my sun and moon.

Because your art was at a standstill,

You decided I would do.

You, Mr. Ego,

Mr. So-Called “Enlightened Man,”

Needed to feel all-important.

Then Opportunity called,

And you ran.

The hypnosis was then lifted,

Debris and rubble filled my sight.

Just shy of my second decade,

I was alone to rebuild my life.

Even three thousand miles,

And my attempt to begin again,

The Loneliness still echoes

From that birthday without friends